If I had a penny for every time I thought about you, I’d be broke.
Now, this doesn’t mean that I don’t care for you, neither does it mean that you are nothing to me.
This just means that I don’t want to think of you or the memories and pain that come with it.
Broken promises and tears are what consume me and I’m sorry, but id rather be penniless and peaceful then rich and miserable. What if you would have waited for me? I ask myself that question once before every meal. Right before I have my daily breakfast w/ a side order of guilt. Before I have my daily lunch w/ an extra order of trust issues. Before I have my dinner w/ a plate of why? & my desert with extra broken promises.
What if you would have waited for me? Would my heart insist on it being fine or would it actually be fine? The plans we made , the future we planned , where would that stand? Was I not worth it, like a ripped dollar, was I once worth something to later be torn, played with, shredded and be left to nothing? What if you never left?
You see, the thing that I can’t fathom, the thing that I can’t just ignore, the thing that eats inside of me, is how someone can offer someone else the world, when they don’t even own it. Or how someone can be stupid enough to accept it not reading the side effects of what they’ve just agreed to. You see, love is like a medicine. Sad? Hurt? Suicidal? Need an Energy boost? Wanna feel an unexplainable feeling that many would kill for? Simple. Here’s a quick sample dosage of love. Once your hooked, come back for more. Side effects may include cute nicknames, planned futures, smiles, laughs, caring, tears of joy, signs of forever, arguments of who cares more, late nights, early mornings, etc. These side effects may lead to broken hearts, broken promises, dates that never were, arguments that you’ll never forget, tears that you wish you’d never shed, wasted time, lies, deceit, agony and a complete loss of words and hopes at the end of the day.
But what you don’t know, won’t hurt you, right?
See, that’s where we’re wrong. The truth always comes out at the end of the day and once we’ve realized, that we’ve lied to ourselves, the pain increases by 10 notches. It feels like a claw grabs at your chest, clenches your heart and pulls on it. Once for every letter of their name. Once for every false hope. Once for every lie. Once for every broken promise. Once for every excuse. Once for every reason of you not being there. And then what? You’re left with nothing. You’re simply left with nothing …